John Daly adds to his legend

I’m sorry, but Tiger Woods kind of bores me. And do you know why? Because he doesn’t smoke on the course. Because he's more likely to end up Oprah than on say Country Fried Home Videos. Because he's probably hanging out with Justin Timberlake right now and not Kid Rock. And he damn sure will probably not get thrown in the drunk tank after having too much fun at Hooters. No Tiger Woods is too busy going to corporate affairs, baseball games and charity events to go down to the local Hooters and enjoy the hot wings or whatever.

Oh, but not John Daly. He apparently had all the time in the world to go over Winston-Salem’s finest eatery, get so drunk that he passed out, scaring the scantily clad help who called for medical help, which he refused before being taken to the Forsyth County Law Enforcement Detention Center for a 24 hour stay to sober up. And that my friends is why I love John Daly!

Oh but John, Watch out, because the popo are on your tail!
(source)

Things not to say in an airport

1. This bomb in my bag sure is heavy

2. Don’t you just love my new Osama is my Homeboy shirt?

3. It’s amazing what you can do with a razor blade these days.

4. Ricky Williams gave me that as present from his trip to Amsterdam.

5. Whatever U.S. Amateur winner Danny Lee said to get his ass detained in a New Zealand airport.
(source)

Glad I’m not living in China

As I continually mention, I’m from New Jersey. One thing New Jersey does well, besides gravity defying spiky hair, unnatural orange glow and taylor ham is corruption. Even the Garden State doesn’t deal with public officials like China. No instead of throwing them into ladies prisons (minimum security country club jails not actual ladies prisons) like we do in New Jersey or you know re-elect said official (because this isn’t Washington DC) China assigns the death penalty. Yeah that’s right, you do one small tiny little thing like take $1 million in bribes for favorable contract awards related to development of Beijing for the Olympics and you get sentenced to death….well a suspended death sentence, if that makes it any better.

A former Beijing vice mayor in charge of overseeing Olympic construction projects has been given a suspended death sentence for corruption.

The Intermediate People's Court in Hengshui, a city outside Beijing, delivered the sentence Saturday after finding Liu Zhihua guilty of taking bribes.

At the time of Liu’s bribe taking, he was in charge of urban development in Beijing overseeing the $40 billion the city spent on Olympics-related infrastructure. But then things got a little hairy. He apparently was pocketing $1 million for himself and then was setting up his mistress for life as well.

Liu faced 10 charges for allegedly accepting bribes totaling about $1 million and gifts in return for favors to property development companies while he was vice mayor

Liu was also convicted of helping his mistress, Wang Jianrui, profit from construction projects.

Liu of course is claiming this is some sort of set up. That a company that did not receive a contract from his office is upset and trying to bring him down.

Liu claimed in court that the case was an act of retaliation by a property developer who wanted to have Liu removed because of a dispute over a commercial and residential development across the street from several Olympic venues.

Unhappy over the outcome, the building's developer sought to punish Liu by reporting his extramarital affair and other alleged improper dealings to authorities.

This is so the plot of movie. Kind of like Broke Down Palace but hopefully not as frustrating. I mean who signs something like a confession written in a language you don’t understand, Kate Beckinsale? And then who decides that they’d rather rot in a third world country’s jail and let their moronic friend who signed said confession go free, Claire Danes? And if I’m giving away the ending, well consider yourself lucky that you didn’t sit through 2 hours of that crap!

Watch out Liu, because the popo are on your tail!
(source)

My favorite part of the TCU/BYU Game

...When the students got arrested.

(Photo: Getty Images)

Good News, Mr. Canseco, It’s A Girl!

Jose Canseco was detained by boarder patrol for almost 10 hours after a search of his vehicle uncovered fertility drugs, human chorionic gonadotropin, which is illegal for males without a prescription. (Apparently the stuff helps produce testosterone lost in steroid users.) His popo enforced hold up occurred at the San Ysidro boarding crossing on Thursday. What is this research for book number 3, Arrested?

While Mr. Canseco has yet to be charged,

a spokeswoman for U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement, Virginia Kice, said Canseco was ordered to appear in federal court in San Diego "related to an alleged smuggling violation"

Watch out Jose, because the popo are on your tail!

(source)

Underage Drinking: A National Concern

It’s been a hell of a two months for the University of Northern Iowa and they have decided to do something about it. In less than eight weeks members of the football, men’s basketball, men’s track, softball, baseball and women’s swimming teams have been picked up by the popo, including a windfall during the weekend of September 13th when 14 athletes were charged with underage drinking.

“We had a bad weekend last month with some underage drinking and we are responding to it with suspensions, as well as community service.”

Apparently kids get quite rowdy when there is no football.

Along with the underage drinking, there have also been arrests for DUI, possession of drug paraphernalia and good old theft culminating in two guilty pleas and counting.

Watch out athletes of UNI, because the popo are all over your tails!
(source - and yes, I totally stole that title from an episode of "It's Always Sunny")

The Paddywagon

Hop inside my new favorite cons:

Mystery of the broken water pipe to remain unsolved [Fannation]

Mohawks are apparently inappropriate for school-aged children [Big League Stew]

Pete Rose arrested? No not that Pete Rose! [WDBJ7]

Willie D. Clark was indicted on charges related to the murder of Denver Bronco Darrent Williams [Fox Sports]

This one's for my brother: Nate Miles could be back at UConn [AOL Fanhouse]

Who knew south bend was such a haven for crime [Rumors & Rants via Awful Announcing]

How did I miss this? Tony Stewart hosted a "jail and bail" charity event [From the Marbles]

When did cheerleading become theatrical? [The Big Lead]

Moron of the day: Witnesses identify truck used in a bank robbery by Earnhardt, Jr. sticker. [Orlando Sentinel]

Well at least he wasn’t caught at a strip club

Just when I thought I would have lead with another Plaxico Burress incident (yes sir, you do have to pay for rental car damage) Adam (nee Pacman) Jones goes ahead and makes my day! Adam allegedly got into a little tussle with his bodyguard Tommy Jones at a Dallas Hotel early Wednesday morning. Some bodyguard, dude, you’re supposed to protect Jones, not get beat up by him. The pair reportedly did some damage to the bathroom, like breaking some mirrors, which is seven years bad luck and they also skipped out on the bill. (Once again wealthy people, you do actually have to pay for things!)

A source refutes this claim saying that Jones was indeed at the Joule Hotel, kicking back with a lady friend and two body guards. One of the bodyguards left and was replaced by a couple of friends and the rapper Ludacris. The group was apparently drinking at the time, but since he’s of age, that’s not really a crime.

Jones’ bodyguard has failed to file charges and there have been no arrests but this latest event could get Jones kicked out of the League for good. You see, Roger Goodell has a five and done policy and this has got to be incident number seven or eight! The only positive in this case is that it happed at a hotel and not a strip club and there were no guns involved. See Mr. Commissioner, he’s trying to change his ways, he’s hoping to become a better person, if has to literally beat that point into you.

Watch out Adam, because the popo are on your tail.

(Photo: AP; source)

You can’t cha-cha you’re way out of this one

Two time Indianapolis 500 winner Helio Castroneves is in some seriously deep poop after allegedly failing to pay Uncle Sam from 1999-2004 through a well planned scheme that diverted $5 million of his estimated $6 million in earnings to a Panamanian company named Seven Promotions. Under this alleged plot to avoid paying the government, a "deferred royalty plan" was set up which "required Penske to send the payment to a company in the Netherlands.” Because that’s not shady at all.

Castoneves, along with his sister Katiucia and business manager Andy Miller are looking at charges ranging from conspiracy to tax evasion, which carry up to a 35 year prison sentence for the Castoneves siblings and 20 years for Miller.

A lesson to be learned from all of this was eloquently stated by U.S. Attorney Alex Acosta:

"Whether you make a living parking cars or racing them, paying taxes is a responsibility that everyone shares."

Apparently, this was not a view shared by the “Dancing with the Stars” champion and his crew.

Watch out Helio, Katiucia and Andy, because the popo are on your tail!

(Photo: The Hollywood Gossip; source)

UPDATE: TMZ.com is reporting that Castroneves pleaded not guilty to tax evasion charges. The driver apparently cried throughout the hearing, where he was shackled and was forced to surrender his passport.

The Paddywagon

While you were playing golf during your house arrest, Willem Wasserman, these other people were dealing with their own run-ins with the popo:

One court case down...one more to go [Fannation]

Speaking of the Notre Dame party bust, here are the mug shots – Note to possible arrestees, smile in your mug shots, you want to look back at the photo and think, well at least I looked cute when I got arrested. [The Smoking Gun]

Leave Mr. Met out of it. If you're going to beat somebody, go for Carlos Beltran or Aaron Heilman. [Can't Stop the Bleeding]

I watched an episode of The Sopranos once and if I learned anything from that hour of televsion, it's that you don't mess with the mob. [Fannation]

If you can't beat them...beat them [Unprofessional Foul via Awful Announcing]

Operation Puerto was a success...you know, if you were a cyclist that used performance enhancing drugs [ESPN]

and now a word from our sponsors…

Annoying announcer: Omar Minaya, you’ve just been given a four year contract extension as the GM of the New York Mets. What are you going to do now?

Omar Minaya: Get rid of Ambiorix Burgos!

Director: Cut! Minaya, you’re supposed to say that you’re going to Disney World

OM: I know, but this guy was just accused of hit-and-run in the Dominican Republic.

D: I know, but this is supposed to be a light and fluffy commercial.

OM: I get that, but this guy allegedly killed two women. Add to that his assault case which is still pending in the US and that elbow surgery and there’s no reason to keep him around.

D: Seriously, you should save that kind of doom and gloom for you’re Coney Island commercial. “Remember the old Coney Island of your youth? The rides, the small businesses, Nathans? Well Nathans is still here, but everything else has been torn down to make way for big business and expensive high rises. We’ve gotten rid of the little people so you don’t have to be bothered by them.”

OM: Or when I blow up Shea.

AA: Aren’t they disassembling Shea, not blowing it up?

D: No, they did that last Sunday when they lost to the Marlins…again.

AA: Oh, that’s right.

OM: Don’t remind me.

D: So can we do this again?

OM: Sure, after I get rid of Burgos. I don’t want to have to deal with any more possible felons. We have enough problems when we try to bring back the ’86 team for special events.
(Photo: Getty Images; source)

because child support is not cheap

My favorite and possibly your actual baby daddy Travis Henry was busted by the popo for trying to buy cocaine. Henry has been on an extended vacation since being cut by the Broncos on June 7th, when Coach Mike Shanahan questioned Henry’s commitment to the team. Well running a drug cartel can be time consuming.

Henry and his friend James Mack had actually been set up by the popo. Seems the pair had been involved in an elaborate drug dealing business that spread to Montana, where a car was pulled over by the popo in September. The car was carrying six pounds of marijuana and three kilograms of cocaine, when a passenger in the car told the authorities he was being paid $5,000 by Henry to transport the $63,600 worth of goods. That same unnamed passenger worked with authorities on the October setup of the former NFL star and his business partner in the Denver suburb of Centennial, CO.

If convicted Henry and Mack could spend life in prison and face a $4 million fine.

Henry had signed a five year, $22.5 million contract in 2007, but lost a chunk of the funds after being cut. With his nine kids to support, a man’s got to do something to pay those child support bills.

Watch out Travis and James, because the popo are on your tail!
(Photo: CBS4 Denver; source)